Welcome
Our relationships with the people around us have a significant influence on our wellbeing and how we live. For most of us, at any given time there is one special relationship — with a partner or spouse — that affects our lives more than any other. Despite its importance we often don't think about how this central relationship is working or if it can be improved. We hope this magazine will provide you with useful tips, advice and ideas to enhance your relationship.
Taking the first step and making a significant commitment to someone you love is one of the most exciting and important times in your relationship. Inside you will find the information you need to develop your own set of relationship tools. There are articles and activities on everything from setting expectations and goals, to developing a budget and dealing with a crisis.
Time for Relationships
Taking the first step
Everyone is busy, no surprises there. Nor is the fact that lack of time is one of the top four issues facing couples today. Balancing the needs of your relationship alongside the demands of work, family and friends isn't always easy. You want to spend time together, but you don't want to neglect all of the other areas of your life either, and nor should you. In fact, relationship educators say that couples need to make sure that they make time for fun, both together and apart.
If you think it could be difficult to squeeze everything in, use the plan on the next page and sit down as a couple and try to find some time for each other:
- Each of you list the regular things you do during the week that can't be changed, for example sporting commitments or committee meetings.
- Now bring your lists together. What do you do together and apart?
- Try to find a balance that you are both happy with. You might need to compromise, and you will need to be flexible.
- Make sure you have some quality time alone at least once a week, but be flexible, if something crops up and changes need to be made try not to punish each other.
It won't always be easy, issues such as how much time you are spending at work can be difficult to resolve. You, your boss and your partner might not agree on what is an acceptable amount of 'work' time. If this is an issue for you, you will need to talk about it. You might not be able to solve the problem, but it can help if you both understand each other's concerns. It may even help to develop some rules around when it is definitely not acceptable to put work first. Be honest with yourself and each other about what is really important and what can be changed.
TIPS
- Make a plan that balances your time together and apart.
- If something crops up that's not on the plan, be flexible.
- Make rules for when it is unacceptable to put work first.
- Be honest about what is really important and what you are happy to miss or reschedule.
Plan for finding the time
Plan for finding the time
|
Name |
Name |
| MONDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| TUESDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| WEDNESDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| THURSDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| FRIDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| SATURDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
| SUNDAY |
| Together |
|
|
| Apart |
|
|
Setting expectations
You know what to expect from your relationship, you can see your future together very clearly. There is no need to talk about it, right? Wrong. Relationship experts agree that one of the biggest mistakes couples make in the early stages of relationships is not talking about what to expect for their future.
Couples that know what is important to each other, and have talked about how their lives will work together, are well on their way to creating a healthy and happy relationship.
Not sure where to start? The key is asking lots of questions, of yourself and of each other. Below are a few questions to get you started. Get a piece of paper and number it 1–18. Now write down your answers (don't show each other).
1 Who will handle the finances?
2 Will you share all of the money or keep your assets separate?
3 How will you share the income?
4 What are your financial goals?
5 Will you both work?
6 Do you want to have children?
7 When would you like to have children?
8 How many children would you like to have?
9 What cultural and religious expectations do you have for your partner and your family?
10 How long do you expect to live where you are?
11 Would you like to move to a different area? If so, when?
12 If your partner got a new job, would you be willing to move?
13 How involved will your family and friends be in your everyday life?
14 Are you ready to settle down, or do you see yourself and your partner travelling the globe together?
15 Will you get married?
16 Do you want to buy a house together or will you rent?
17 What do you expect from your partner in terms of loyalty, respect and being faithful?
18 Are there any other issues that you would like to discuss? List these.
Now compare answers. Any surprises? comfortable talking about with your Talk about it. Still not sure you have partner, it is important not to ignore covered everything? There are a them. Talk them through with someone number of quizzes and activities you trust and if something more serious throughout this magazine that will is on your mind like control, violence or help you think about many of these trust issues, get help from a professional areas in more detail. counsellor. It is important that your
If you have questions or concerns about relationship is healthy for both of you your relationship that you are not right from the start.
Our priorities
You may also find it useful to get achieve and also consider what you together and develop a list of priorities will be willing to sacrifice in order to for your short, medium and long term achieve it. goals. Be realistic about what you can achieve and also consider what you will be willing to sacrifice in order to achieve it.
| Short term 1 year |
Medium term 5 years |
Long term 10 years |
Goal:
To get married or move in together |
Goal:
Purchase a house or start a family |
Goal:
Renovate house or invest |
| Goal: |
Goal: |
Goal: |
| Goal: |
Goal: |
Goal: |
| Goal: |
Goal: |
Goal: |
In order to help you achieve these goals you may find it useful to develop a budget. For help doing this try the budget planner in the 'talking about difficult stuff' section.