Take account
Looking for a sure-fire way to cause problems in your relationship? Then don't address how you are going to handle money.
It's fool's gold ignoring how you are going to handle the money in your life and in your relationship. In fact, Rosalie Pattenden of Centacare Melbourne says research indicates that more than 70 per cent of couples say that money is a problem for them, and they are not just talking about a lack of money. Rosalie says couples are making a sound investment in their future when deciding to sort out their finances. Make sure that you and your partner take the time to work through the following check list as early as possible.
- Do you have any debts that your problems in your relationship? partner is unaware of? Being Then don’t address how you are responsible for your partner going to handle money. inheriting financial problems that
- If you are getting married, take stock of what money and assets you have as an individual. It is important to decide how much (if any) will become 'mutual funds and assets' that you share after you tie the knot.
- Decide if you want to pool resources or keep separate accounts and then make sure you are both happy with this decision. Take time to talk over short term, medium and long term goals and put together a budget.
- Make sure you both have a legal Will.
- Decide what expenses you want to share and those you will manage separately. If you have personal interests, decide who will pay for them.
- Be aware that you are liable for debts if you sign guarantees as co-borrower or guarantor.
- Take time, at least once, to see a financial expert together to talk about insurance, superannuation and investments.
- Develop a budget using the plan on the following pages.
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Preparing a budget
Set some time aside to look at the budget planner either together or individually. Start by writing down all of your income and all of your expenses. You’ll need to decide whether your budget will be a weekly, fortnightly or monthly guide. Some people like to match their budget to their pay period. Once you come to a decision, make sure all the numbers you write down are for the same period.
When you’ve worked out your combined income and expenses, you’ll be able to see how much regular income you get and where that money goes over your chosen time period. Take away your total expenses from your total income to get your result.
If you decide to keep your finances totally separate you may like to have separate budgets too. Just remember you will still need to make some decisions on who will pay for what and how you will use your budgets to reach your common goals. Just remember you will still need to make some decisions on who will pay for what and how you will use your budgets to reach your common goals.
TOTAL INCOME - TOTAL EXPENSES = ?
$__________ - $__________ = $__________
Your result will show whether you’re spending more than you earn or if you have money left after your expenses to use for other things.
Income
Work out your regular income
| Type of income |
Amount received each period |
| Salary or wage (after tax) |
$_____________ |
| Pension or Government allowance |
$_____________ |
| Child support or other payments |
$_____________ |
| Regular interest from savings |
$_____________ |
Regular income from investments
(such as rent from an investment property,
distributions from a managed fund,
or dividends from shares) |
$_____________ |
| Other |
$_____________ |
| Total income |
$_____________ |
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Expenses
Work out your regular expenses. Remember to use the same time frame that you chose for your income. Next, add up the subtotals to get your total expenses.
| Household expenses |
Education expenses |
| Rent |
$_____________ |
School fees |
$_____________ |
| Repairs |
$_____________ |
University or
TAFE fees |
$_____________ |
| Gas |
$_____________ |
Tuition |
$_____________ |
| Electricity |
$_____________ |
Books and uniforms |
$_____________ |
| Water |
$_____________ |
Camps/excursions |
$_____________ |
| Telephone/mobile |
$_____________ |
Sub total |
$_____________ |
| Rates |
$_____________ |
Debt repayments |
| Bpdu cpr[prate fees |
$_____________ |
Mortgage |
$_____________ |
| Internet |
$_____________ |
Car loan |
$_____________ |
| Cable/TV |
$_____________ |
HECS or
HELP payments |
$_____________ |
| Furniture |
$_____________ |
Credit cards |
$_____________ |
| Appliances |
$_____________ |
Personal loans |
$_____________ |
| Groceries |
$_____________ |
Store cards |
$_____________ |
| Gardening |
$_____________ |
Lay-bys |
$_____________ |
| Sub total |
$_____________ |
Sub total |
$_____________ |
What do we do with our budget?
Is the result what you were expecting? If you’re spending all of your income (or even more), your budget can show the areas where you might be able to change your spending habits. If you need to make a change you might like to sort your expenses into two groups: essentials and extras. Remember you both need to be happy with this budget, so make sure you can both live with the changes, there is no point having a budget that you won’t stick to.
If you have money left over, think about how that money could be used. Getting debt under control is important. Set some goals together, and then work out how your budget will help you reach them. If you would like some more help the Australian Government Financial Literacy Foundation website www.understandingmoney.gov.au has lots of great tips on ways to manage your money.
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| Transport expenses |
Savings |
| Car registration |
$_____________ |
Superannuation contrib. |
$_____________ |
| Parking |
$_____________ |
Regular savings |
$_____________ |
| Fuel |
$_____________ |
Regular investments |
$_____________ |
| Repairs/maintenance |
$_____________ |
Sub total |
$_____________ |
| Public transport |
$_____________ |
Other expenses |
| Sub total |
$_____________ |
Child care |
$_____________ |
| Medical expenses |
Child support payments |
$_____________ |
| Doctor |
$_____________ |
Gifts |
$_____________ |
| Medicines |
$_____________ |
Donations |
$_____________ |
| Dentist |
$_____________ |
Hobbies and sports |
$_____________ |
| Sub total |
$_____________ |
Subscriptions |
$_____________ |
| Insurance |
Newspapers & magazines |
$_____________ |
| Home and contents |
$_____________ |
Movies & DVDs |
$_____________ |
| Car |
$_____________ |
Restaurants & takeaway |
$_____________ |
| Health |
$_____________ |
Alcohol & cigarettes |
$_____________ |
| Income protection |
$_____________ |
Pet food |
$_____________ |
| Life |
$_____________ |
Other pet costs |
$_____________ |
| Sub total |
$_____________ |
______________ |
$_____________ |
|
______________ |
$_____________ |
|
______________ |
$_____________ |
|
______________ |
$_____________ |
|
______________ |
$_____________ |
|
Sub total |
$_____________ |
|
|
|
Total expenses |
$_____________ |
Moving in together
You have decided to move from two households into one, but does this simply mean cheaper bills or is this the first step toward a life long commitment? Anne Hollonds, CEO of Relationship Australia New South Wales says the biggest risk couples face when moving in together is assuming their partner has the same motives as themselves for making the move.
'If one of you thinks the move is done for convenience and the other sees it the start of your life together there are bound to be problems.'
'It is important not to be too casual in your approach. Couples should make a clear decision to move in together, rather than just drifting together,' says Anne.
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No matter how well you think you know your partner, you won’t really know what they are thinking until you ask them. Be honest with them about why you want to move in together and ask that they do the same.
Set aside some time to plan your move together. Make a list of the things you need to discuss before you start packing boxes. Here are a few to get you started:
- Why are we moving in together?
- What changes if any do we expect in our relationship once we have made the move?
- Where will we live, my house, your house or a new house?
- Will we rent or buy?
- Will it just be the two of is or will we share with our family or flatmates?
- How will we share expenses, including the cost of furniture and appliances?
- How will we decide what to bring and what to leave from our old homes?
You may also like to investigate what the move might mean to you from a legal point of view.
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Getting married
Ask anyone that has been through the process of planing a wedding and they will probably tell you that while it was exciting and romantic, it was also hectic and stressful. Whether you are planning to elope or to invite everyone that has ever been part of your life, there are some things you can do to help the process run smoothly.
- Agree on a budget together. Think about what style of wedding you want, ask yourself if that is realistic. Work out who will pay for what. Agree on a set amount of guests. Once these details have been set, try to stick to them.
- Agree on a guest list. This can be really difficult for a lot of couples. Be realistic, you cannot invite everyone, think about the people that you and your partner really want to share your day with.
- Select your wedding party carefully. Be aware of the possible repercussions of your decision. If you are worried about creating problems with your friends, a family member can often be a safe choice. Before making your decision, consider what you are expecting from your wedding party. Will the person you are choosing be able to make all of the commitments? Are they able to afford the money involved?
- Visit, sample, test. When you are making the decisions on your venue, catering and entertainment make sure you experience them before the day. Ask the venue if you can come and watch other weddings or events that maybe going on. Visit a number of caterers and ask them to supply you with samples. If you are having live entertainment, go to a gig. If you decide on a DJ, make sure they have all the tracks you want to hear.
- Wedding photos. Decide if you will get a professional photographer or ask a relative or friend to take your pics. Choose carefully. It may be difficult for your photographer to take part fully in the day. Whatever you decide, make sure you have a look at their previous work. All photographers have a different style, so make sure you talk to them about what you want and expect.
- Decide on a name. Make sure you don’t forget to talk about what name you will use once you are married. This can often be more complicated than you think!
Remember while you want your wedding day to be special, it is really only the beginning. Make sure you spend some time and energy thinking about how your marriage will work as well.
Cold feet
Everything is going great, the invitations have been sent, the venue has been booked, even the entertainment has been looked after. Then suddenly you wake up one day and everything seems to change. You were so sure just days ago, and now out of nowhere you are having doubts.
Are you doing the right thing? Have y made the right choice? Will everything change after the wedding? All of these thoughts are completely normal. Getting married is a massive commitment, and a decision not to be made lightly. But how do you know if you’ve just got cold feet or if somethin more serious is bothering you. If you can, talk about your doubts with your partner. You might even find they have their own case of wedding jitters. Spend some time talking about what married life will be like, rather than focusing on the wedding. Talking things through might be all you need, otherwise work together and try and come up with some solutions.
Sound too scary? It can help to put your fears down on paper or talk them through with a trusted friend or family member. Often this is all it takes to help you see what your true feelings are. If you discover your worries are being caused by something more than pre-marriage nerves such as trust, control or violence issues, don't ignore them. It is very important that you don’t make the walk down the aisle for the wrong reason. You will have some tough decisions to make, so if possible get help from a professional counsellor.
TIPS
- to your partner about what is bothering you.
- Talking about your future together can help put things in perspective.
- Alternatively, write your fears down or talk them through with a friend.
- Don’t ignore serious concerns. Get help from a counsellor.
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Hardest call of all
There can be no subject more difficult to talk about than infidelity. Most people would like to simply ignore it. It’s hard to imagine that it could happen to you, yet the statistics speak for themselves.
Denise Lacey, Manager of the Marriage and Relationship Education Unit at Centacare Melbourne, says talking about infidelity, and the possibility it could occur, could prevent it.
'Couples need to consider that it can happen to them. But they also need to know that open communication could prevent a potentially disastrous situation,' says Denise.
Denise suggests telling your partner if you are attracted to someone or uncomfortable with the way a situation is developing. Difficult to do but better than the alternative, she says. Take for instance, Brad who found himself in a situation with a work colleague. Recently the office banter had taken on a new meaning. It was flattering but instinctively Brad knew he was in dangerous territory.
In this kind of a situation, advises Denise, Brad should avoid any extra contact with his colleague and he should talk about what was happening with his partner. It could be the discussion that saves his relationship. Infidelity, says Denise, is not simply restricted to the physical. Partners should be aware when they are over stepping the boundaries when it comes to sharing intimacies of their primary relationship.
'You have to watch out for the risk factors, be aware of them and talk about them. Don’t let the poison of infidelity get into the system. Talking about the possibility of infidelity can be awkward but it is better than losing your family.'
TIPS
- Be aware infidelity could happen to you.
- If you are attracted to someone or if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, talk to your partner about it.
- Avoid any extra contact with the person concerned.
- Don’t share intimate details of your relationship with other people.