Dealing with the unexpected —a different style
Dealing with a crisis can be stressful on any relationship, regardless of how close you are or how long you have been together. However, when you decide to share your life with someone you are also making a decision to share not only the good times but also the harder ones.
Events such as an illness in the family, death of a close friend, or unexpected unemployment can present complex challenges to couples. These challenges may seem insurmountable, but in actual fact can strengthen your relationship.
The important thing to remember is that you will both have your own way of dealing with the situation. You shouldn't expect your partner to react in the same way. In fact according to Andrew King from the Sydney-based Uniting Care Burnside men and women tend to handle problems differently. 'Guys are less practiced at talking about their feelings', says Andrew. 'But it doesn't mean they love or trust their partner less because they won't talk about their problems.'
This will mean that you will need to be understanding with each other. It is important for both of you recognise how you are feeling. No matter how you deal with things, ignoring your feelings will not make them go away.
Men tend to take a more solutions based approach to problems, so it may be useful to work out together what can be done or how you can help. While women like to talk things through, if this is difficult for you, being willing to listen is a great start.
Remember to be gentle with each other, sometimes just knowing you have someone around to give you support, can make all the difference. However if you don't feel like you or your partner is coping, get support. Friends, relatives, counsellors, and doctors can all be a big help in these times.
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TIPS
- be aware men and women handle problems differently.
- Recognise your feelings, ignoring them won't make them go away.
- If you want to find a solution, work out what can be done in a practical sense.
- If talking about the issue is hard for you, offer to listen.
- Get help from friends, relatives, counsellors or doctors if needed.
Other books in this series
Keys to Living Together — Then we were three
Going from a couple to a family with a child is one of the most exciting and important times in your relationship. It is impossible to ignore the fact that your lives are about to be transformed forever. Keys to Living Together — Then we were three includes information to help you develop a set of tools to deal with the changes in your relationship.
Keys to Living Together — Instant families
Creating a new relationship and with it a new family is an exciting and important time, that can often also be very complicated. Keys to Living Together — Instant families includes information to help you develop a set of tools to help make the transition a little smoother.
Other resources in the series
Can't find a Keys to Living Together kit that is right for you? We are currently developing kits for more family types and families with other needs. To find out about these other kits you can check out our
Keys website.
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Contacts
For additional copies or more information please contact: Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs
PO Box 7788 Canberra Mail Centre ACT 2610
Telephone 1800 050 009
(*free unless calling from a mobile or pay phone)
TTY: 1800 260 402
(a telephone typewriter for people with a hearing or speech impairment)
Keys website