Keys to Living Together - Then we were there 

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Talking about the Difficult Stuff 

Take account


The transition from couple to family does not come cheap. It is fools gold to ignore how your financial situation will change once you fall pregnant. The way you spend and manage money will need to alter. While love might come for free, children certainly do not.

In fact in 2003 the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling at the University of Canberra estimated the cost of raising a single child from birth to twenty years is about $264,000.00. It might seem scary but it doesn't have to be, you just need to be aware of your spending habits and learn to manage your money effectively.

An investment in your finances will have more rewards than just a healthy bank balance. In fact, Rosalie Pattenden of Centacare Melbourne says research indicates that more than 70 per cent of couples say that money is a problem for them, and they are not just talking about a lack of money.

Rosalie says couples are making a sound investment in their future when deciding to sort out their finances.

A great way to keep track of where your money is going is to develop a budget. Doing a budget and having a plan for your money isn't difficult, and it can help you do the things you really want. Use the budget planner on the following two pages to help you work out how much you earn and what you spend it on.

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Preparing a budget


Set some time aside to look at the budget planner either together or individually. Start by writing down all of your income and all of your expenses. You'll need to decide whether your budget will be a weekly, fortnightly or monthly guide. Some people like to match their budget to their pay period. Once you come to a decision, make sure all the numbers you write down are for the same period.

When you've worked out your combined income and expenses, you'll be able to see how much regular income you get and where that money goes over your chosen time period. Take away your total expenses from your total income to get your result.

If you decide to keep your finances totally separate you may like to have separate budgets too. Just remember you will still need to make some decisions on who will pay for what and how you will use your budgets to reach your common goals. Just remember you will still need to make some decisions on who will pay for what and how you will use your budgets to reach your common goals.
TOTAL INCOME - TOTAL EXPENSES = ?
$__________ - $__________ = $__________

Your result will show whether you're spending more than you earn or if you have money left after your expenses to use for other things.

Income



Work out your regular income
Type of income Amount received each period
Salary or wage (after tax) $_____________
Pension or Government allowance $_____________
Child support or other payments $_____________
Regular interest from savings $_____________
Regular income from investments
(such as rent from an investment property,
distributions from a managed fund,
or dividends from shares)
$_____________
Other $_____________
Total income $_____________


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Expenses


Work out your regular expenses. Remember to use the same time frame that you chose for your income. Next, add up the subtotals to get your total expenses.

Household expenses Education expenses
Rent $_____________ School fees $_____________
Repairs $_____________ University or
TAFE fees
$_____________
Gas $_____________ Tuition $_____________
Electricity $_____________ Books and uniforms $_____________
Water $_____________ Camps/excursions $_____________
Telephone/mobile $_____________ Sub total $_____________
Rates $_____________ Debt repayments
Bpdu cpr[prate fees $_____________ Mortgage $_____________
Internet $_____________ Car loan $_____________
Cable/TV $_____________ HECS or
HELP payments
$_____________
Furniture $_____________ Credit cards $_____________
Appliances $_____________ Personal loans $_____________
Groceries $_____________ Store cards $_____________
Gardening $_____________ Lay-bys $_____________
Sub total $_____________ Sub total $_____________


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What do we do with our budget?


Is the result what you were expecting? If you're spending all of your income (or even more), your budget can show the areas where you might be able to change your spending habits. If you need to make a change you might like to sort your expenses into two groups: essentials and extras. Remember you both need to be happy with this budget, so make sure you can both live with the changes, there is no point having a budget that you won't stick to.

If you have money left over, think about how that money could be used. Getting debt under control is important. Set some goals together, and then work out how your budget will help you reach them.

Transport expenses Savings
Car registration $_____________ Superannuation contrib. $_____________
Parking $_____________ Regular savings $_____________
Fuel $_____________ Regular investments $_____________
Repairs/maintenance $_____________ Sub total $_____________
Public transport $_____________ Other expenses
Sub total $_____________ Child care $_____________
Medical expenses Child support payments $_____________
Doctor $_____________ Gifts $_____________
Medicines $_____________ Donations $_____________
Dentist $_____________ Hobbies and sports $_____________
Sub total $_____________ Subscriptions $_____________
Insurance Newspapers & magazines $_____________
Home and contents $_____________ Movies & DVDs $_____________
Car $_____________ Restaurants & takeaway $_____________
Health $_____________ Alcohol & cigarettes $_____________
Income protection $_____________ Pet food $_____________
Life $_____________ Other pet costs $_____________
Sub total $_____________ ______________ $_____________
______________ $_____________
______________ $_____________
______________ $_____________
______________ $_____________
Sub total $_____________
Total expenses $_____________


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Hardest call of all


There can be no subject more difficult to talk about than infidelity. Most people would like to simply ignore it. It's hard to imagine that it could happen to you, yet the statistics speak for themselves.

Denise Lacey, Manager of the Marriage and Relationship Education Unit at Centacare Melbourne, says talking about infidelity, and the possibility it could occur, could prevent it.

'Couples need to consider that it can happen to them. But they also need to know that open communication could prevent a potentially disastrous situation,' says Denise.

Denise suggests telling your partner if you are attracted to someone or uncomfortable with the way a situation is developing. Difficult to do, but better than the alternative, she says.

Take for instance Brad who found himself in a situation with a work colleague. Recently the office banter had taken on a new meaning. It was flattering but instinctively Brad knew he was in dangerous territory.

In this kind of a situation, advises Denise, Brad should avoid any extra contact with his colleague and he should talk about what was happening with his partner. It could be the discussion that saves his relationship. Infidelity, says Denise, is not simply restricted to the physical. Partners should be aware when they are over stepping the boundaries when it comes to sharing intimacies of their primary relationship.

'You have to watch out for the risk factors, be aware of them and talk about them. Don't let the poison of infidelity get into the system. Talking about the possibility of infidelity can be awkward but it is better than losing your family".

TIPS

  • Be aware infidelity could happen to you.
  • If you are attracted to someone or if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, talk to your partner about it.
  • Avoid any extra contact with the person concerned.
  • Don't share intimate details of your relationship with other people.

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© Commonwealth of Australia 2009 : Last modified 30/03/2009 3:15 PM