8.1 Mood spillover
The issue of the dynamic interchange between mood at work and within the family is a key focus of research in the work/family literature. Galinsky reported on research that suggests that stress and negative moods at work impact negatively on parents' interactions with their children (Repetti, 1994; Repetti and Wood, 1997). Galinsky explored this issue by asking her sample of parents whether they had negative mood spillover and her sample of children whether they knew whether their parents had a "bad day" at work. She noted that children were more likely than parents to report that parents never had such mood spillovers (40% of children compared with 20% of fathers; 36% of children compared with 17% of mothers, p 185).
In exploring the aspects of the workplace that predicted parents' reporting of negative mood spillover, Galinsky noted the following factors were significant: placing a higher priority on work than family life; having less parenting responsibility, support and autonomy; working more days per week; experiencing more stress and frustration at work; having less meaningful jobs with less autonomy and less opportunities for learning; and having less workplace support. Only the first factor and parenting autonomy are individual-level variables. Parenting support may be affected by the relationships that a parent has within the home and outside (although being a single parent or dual earner family was not predictive), and the last two factors are about work-place experiences. If many of the predictors of negative mood and stress spillover from the workplace to home are aspects of a job and a workplace, then the need for changes to workplaces is strongly indicated. It is not wholly within the individual to find meaning in their job, or to demand autonomy, or to create support. There are clearly some jobs and some workplaces that will be prone to lacking the qualities that Galinsky identifies as important for the experience of more positive spillover between work and family.
When Galinsky considered parents' reports of the positive spillover from family to work she noted that similar factors were significant. Parents (particularly fathers) who placed a high priority on family, received support for their parenting role from family and the workplace, and had jobs that were both more demanding and more meaningful were more likely to report that their experiences of parenting had a positive effect on their work.
In contrast with Galinsky's report based on separate samples of parents and children, the responses of the parents and children to these questions in the present study were very similar. The parents nearly all reported that they sometimes carried bad moods from work home with them. Most of the children said that they could tell when their parents had had a bad day at work. The parents reported that they believed that their children would know when they had had a bad day at work. Generally this was because the parent would be cranky, easily irritated or respond to children differently. Nearly all the children confirmed this. Most parents reported that the bad mood would pass within the first hour or so of being at home, something with which the children tended to agree.
(My son) usually picks up that I'm really uptight (or particularly uptight sometimes) and he'll say "Are you OK", and I'll say "I've had a crappy day at work." Other times I suppose I'm just a bit quiet or a bit snappy, and (my son) will come and just read to me. So sometimes I feel a bit sorry that that's on him. I don't have a special strategy because for my strategy is about time, and about being able to just slow down.
(Single mother, works full-time)
Another parent talked about being able to manage the bad mood until bed-time.
The time when it gets to be an issue, I suppose, is as bedtime approaches and I'm starting to think about all the work I've got to do that night before I go to bed. And they're doing the typical "dragging the heels" about going to bed. So that's probably when I really lose it.
(mother works full-time and does overtime 4-5 nights a week)
When asked whether their children behaved differently on days when the parents came home in a bad mood, most parents confirmed what the children said – that the children would usually "disappear", "make themselves scarce" and "keep out of the way". Some children would offer support or comfort to parents, such as making a cup of tea for them, or encouraging them to sit down and rest.
Although the children did not report it, some of the parents felt that the children were sometimes more challenging on a day when work had been bad.
Sometimes he'll be more attention seeking. Often he'll do stuff that will annoy me, or he'll do stuff that he knows he's not supposed to do, so that escalates the situation and we end up having a row. Other times he'll just back off and give me a bit of space, and not be demanding.
(single mother, works full-time)
The notion that family may buffer the effects of the workplace, and be a source of positive strength was raised also.
I think family can be a huge reservoir of support, and it's always seemed to me that the people I was reporting to in the (office) when I decided that I just couldn't, it was just too much, it always seemed to me that the advantage I had over them was that for them work was everything and if work was shit, then life was shit. For me, I could say, work's shit, but it's in that box over there and I've put the lid down on the box and I've got a family that's strong and supportive that I derive enjoyment from. So it was a way of partitioning off things that were happening that you didn't like.
(father, works full-time)
Most of the parents felt that their children might not notice when they had had a particularly good day, because this was more likely to be closer to the norm.
Somewhat surprisingly, perhaps, very few parents talked about the fact that their children also have moods and bad days.
I think the kids are the kids. They're like me. Some days they're happy when they get home, some days they're not, so no I don't think (they behave differently on days when I've had a bad day).
(mother works full-time)
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8.2 The Impact of Working: the Children's Perspective
It was clear from responses to questions about time spent with parents that, while they had preferences for how much time they spent with parents, and the nature of the time spent with parents, none of the children thought that parents should be present in their lives all the time. Virtually all the children accepted the need for and/or desire of parents to work, and all could identify the benefits of parental employment, particularly in the case of their own experience.
Most children mentioned that their parents' working brought money that paid for the homes they lived in, the food they ate, the schools they went to (for some), and other things that were bought for them. Some children talked about positive consequences related to their every-day lives, such as enjoying being babysat by a grandmother, or having the house to themselves after school before parents came home from work. Some children again talked about lack of time spent with their parents as a negative consequence of their parents working.
Some of the older children talked about other less tangible outcomes of their parents' working such as confidence and responsibility gained from not having parents around all the time, learning about what work means, and that one has to work in order to be able to provide things for your family.
Well, she's taught me that getting a job or whatever, you've got to try hard. And she's encouraged me, whichever way I want to go. And I guess I've learnt a lot from how she manages things, and how she does things. I try to pick up on things to do and not to do.
[girl, 16]
When asked whether parents' working was good or bad for children in a general sense, nearly all the children responded sensibly with conditional statements such as "it depends". Nearly all the responses referred to the financial benefits that working brings, but also to the potential cost of children not having enough time with their parents. The fact that the children in our sample were rarely overtly critical of their parents' employment choices when asked reasonably direct questions about their own experiences, may reflect an unwillingness to criticise. If so, questions expressed in fairly general terms may be more revealing of the overall evaluation of the impact of parents' work on children. Time is a strong theme again, with nearly all the children referring to the impact of work on time spent with children. While these children have a general acceptance of their individual circumstances, and work is not perceived as an evil, these children are still clearly indicating that they like and want to spend time with parents.
When the responses of some children are considered in order of chronological age, it is clear that the same themes are being presented, although the expression of them becomes more sophisticated.
I think it's alright because they can save up money, and the bad thing is some people they can't see their mum or dad very much.
[boy, 8]
I think it is good and bad. Sometimes you wish you had more attention, although it is nice not to have them around all the time.
[girl, 12]
It depends how much they work, and if they can leave work at work and then look after the kids and stuff. Like, if the kids are always being looked after by someone else, then it's not too good. But then, they need the money.
[girl, 16]
Depends on what the kids are like and how much the parents work and what they do when they are working. I don't know, it's nice to have your mum around, but if she has to make some money, well I suppose you just have to adjust, I suppose. I definitely think it is better when you are young to have your mum there, just because it's good.
[boy, 17]
I think it is a good thing that parents work provided that they don't lose sight of their kids and the kids' needs. Whether it is after school or during the day, kids do need their parents, and it's just not the one. They need both, I think and I mean, it's just something that you have to do – work – I mean if no one wanted to work, then no one would be working, so I mean it's just pretty much that parents who do work full-time, they've got another job at the end of the day trying to keep a bond with their child, and it's pretty much like working.
[girl, 19]
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8.3 The Impact of Working: the Parents' Perspective
When adults were asked this same question about the impact of working on children they identified similar themes, including children learning about the importance of work, and gaining independence and resourcefulness. The importance of children seeing that work can be important for women as well as men was mentioned by mothers in particular. The distinction between the amount of time parents have to spend with children and what is done in the time available emerged as a theme.
It depends. If you're a working parent and you're working really long hours, sometimes you can't…I mean often you're too tired to be bothered and often by the time you can deal with your children's problems, to listen, they're not in the mood for talking about it any more because too much time's elapsed….You can actually work hours that are too long. And people try and sort of always use that term "quality time" and I just think it's something to make them not feel guilty.
(mother, works part-time; husband works full-time)
I find that I don't get a lot of time to spend with (my son) in terms of what I would call "quality time". It's more about just making sure that…it's the practical stuff – cook up the dinner - often by the time I get home, sometimes, sometimes it's 6.30pm, so it's late, he's tired, I'm a bit grumpy, he's a bit grumpy…and then (my son) will often want me to read to him, and I'm like "please can we do it tomorrow?", so I don't get do that anywhere near as much as I would like to.
(single mother, works full-time)
The positive impacts being linked to the kinds of jobs that parents had was also a theme.
I think the fact that both of us have jobs which we find personally rewarding is good. If you want to have happy kids it pretty much helps – it's a good starting point to be a happy parent and that sense of self-fulfillment that comes out of a job is, for me, critical. It's an active, interesting life.
(father, works full-time; mother full-time)
I would probably be grumpy and probably not be as nice a person (if I didn't work), so I think from that point of view, yes, going away, having that other stimulation and doing things that are important to me helps me behave better at home, I suppose.
(mother works part time.)
The distinction between long-term outcomes and immediate impacts was one which parents understood. Most of the discussion about the impact of working related to immediate experiences. When asked whether they thought that there would be long-term effects of work choices on children, most parents thought that there probably would not be, or at least were not willing to conjecture, although they would often then tell an anecdote about a child who was having problems and relate it to the parents' employment choices – either that the parent worked too much or too little.
It depends on how much the parents work. If children are left to their own devices a great deal because parents work, then I think that is a source of anti-social behaviour…from observation, it's the children who are neglected who are the ones that aren't sure of their place in the world and who tend to be anti-social in their behaviour.
(father, works full-time; wife works part-time)
Some felt that the long-term outcomes were not the best guide to decisions made in the children's youth.
I think what concerns me is about memories of childhood, and because that was an important thing for me, and I have a perception about having memories of your childhood that have lots of things in them. Not just school, after-care and a little bit of home. So it gets back to that thing of are the memories going to be enough, or are there going to be as many memories of time with people in your family or extensions of your family as opposed to school.
(single mother, works full-time)
Some women who worked considered that they were valuable role models for young girls, and for showing their sons that women could have a career also.
He needs to know that I go out to work. His father can do the meal and (take care of) him and it's not a wussy thing for him to do. I certainly don't want him growing up thinking that's what women do, so it's a whole lot of things.
(mother and father work part-time)
Some parents expressed more concern about the potential for negative impacts.
I'm not convinced it's a positive impact. I think that we can convince ourselves and try to convince our children that if both parents are working that you can have a really nice holiday altogether once a year or whatever or your child or children can have whatever they want. And that will satisfy them and also satisfy you as a parent and satisfy everybody as a family. I have never thought that…I think we just keep deluding ourselves that…we just keep covering those emotions or that reality within us up with something.
(mother recently working full-time)
I think it can but I think that they have to understand that nowadays that's the way things are. But it all comes back to that magic word"balance", and I think that if parents, when they're home with their children, don't spend enough…I mean I know it's this cliché saying it's quality time, but it's about you and me going for a walk with the dog. It's about stuff like that.
(single mother, works part-time)
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8.4 Conclusions
Parents and children had very similar perspectives on the way that mood spillover was dealt with in their families. Most children said that they could tell when parents had had a bad day, and most parents believed this to be the case. Most families indicated that bad moods were fairly transitory and confirmed that most of the children tended to stay out of their parents' way in response to bad moods. Children and parents in some families reported children taking a more proactive response to caring for parents and supporting them after a bad day at work.
The experience of mood spillovers was not a major theme in answers to questions that asked directly about the impact of parents' working on children. Parents and children shared the view that there were both positive and negative consequences of working. However there was a general acknowledgement from both children and parents that working parents had to try hard to make sure that they still spent time with their children, and that lack of time and attention probably represented the greatest potential negative impact of working on children.